Relationship Spark Tips - Try on a New Pair of "Glasses"
How do you tend to view your partner and your love relationship or marriage? If your outlook is usually negative and and your mate often irritates you, then try on a new pair of "glasses" and watch how an expanded perspective can create connection and sparks between the two of you!
"Change the way you look at things and the things you look at will change," advises inspirational teacher Dr. Wayne Dyer. Isn't it uncanny that when you consciously take a different view of a situation or person, that person or situation is often no longer the same?
It's as if you put on a new pair of glasses and- voila- what you see has changed. Perhaps you can clearly notice the dynamics that you and your partner fall into around particular topics that you couldn't perceive before. Through these new glasses, or this new perspective, you are now quite aware that it isn't actually all his or her fault that you two don't connect the way you'd like to.
Sometimes it takes a jolt-- symbolic or literal-- to get you to put on a new pair of glasses and alter the way you've tended to view a situation. Many of us become quite entrenched in the realities we perceive that we are sure will never change, no matter how much we'd like them to. In the face of this static vision, that jolt comes perhaps in the form of a hurtful comment from someone we love or even actually slipping and falling. Whatever happens, our usual way of looking at the world around us-- and our own selves-- gets interrupted.
These interruptions or jolts are not often pleasant, but the effect can be that we begin to see things differently. And this different perspective can be an expanded one in which more possibilities can be conceived of and even followed. The pain of a fall-- literal or emotional-- can lead to new ways of being which can lead to the realization of the life and relationship we want.
Jackie recently experienced a serious jolt that changed her relationship with Tom. They've been married for just over 10 years. While their dating relationship was filled with passion, romance and spontaneity, their married life has increasingly become routine and even dull. Jackie's career as a journalist has begun to take off and, she admits, she's put her relationship with Tom on the back burner. There are only so many hours in the day, after all.
But yesterday Jackie spoke with one of her female co-workers who was dealing with the sudden, unexpected death of her husband. Being present with this other woman's pain and loss was a huge shock to Jackie's system and the way her life has been lately. Jackie left her conversation with this grieving woman feeling shock and upset, wondering how she would feel if Tom were to leave her so suddenly.
Whatever jolts you into shifting your perspective and putting on a new pair of "glasses," pay attention! Those interruptions to life can be powerful teaching moments and opportunities for change.
Make a decision to put on new glasses.
You don't need to have a jolt in your life to adopt a wider, expanded perspective. You do have to stay tuned in to how you are feeling and to what you are wanting, however. If you realize that you have put your relationship at the bottom of the priority list, feel into yourself to decide if this is what you want. Perhaps, like Jackie, you believe that you can't have both a successful career AND nurture your relationship. That may seem like too much in your mind.
Put on those new glasses! Don't try to figure out how you are going to make it all work, instead, affirm to yourself that both are priorities for you. Make each decision as it comes. Sometimes you may put a work concern above a relationship one. But, more often than not, there IS room and enough energy for both.
It all comes down to your view of what's possible and what you can have in your life.
Allow for the expanded vision.
After being jolted into realizing the lifeless-ness in her current relationship, Jackie decides to put on new glasses. She knows that she's been taking her marriage to Tom for granted and she doesn't want to miss another second of loving him and sharing life with him. She also knows that she wants to keep succeeding at work and doesn't want to lose any of that either.
From an expanded view, Jackie sees that she doesn't have to choose between Tom and her career. She doesn't necessarily know how it will all work out, but she does know that she wants both her marriage and her career to thrive and be enjoyable experiences. She can now begin to see herself having all that she wants. While she is sorry for her co-worker's loss, she feels grateful for this interruption to her way of viewing what's possible and what's not. She is thankful that she can now view her life from a new perspective.
Allow yourself to have this expanded view even when those doubting or fearful voices crowd your mind. Keep coming back to what you want and trust that with a sense of openness and possibility, it can be realized.
For a free mini-course from relationship coaches Susie and Otto Collins that will teach you how to re-ignite the spark in your relationship, visit http://www.restartthespark.com.
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